Fathoming the pain you caused a loved can be difficult to ascertain when you are in the active claws of addiction. Addiction alters the reality sensors in your brain. You can watch your own unkind and destructive behavior, unfold as if someone else is in control. You may see that you are harming a loved one, and not even care, or not be able to stop yourself.
The heartbreaking truth is, with addiction, the drugs, and or alcohol always have to come first. They own you. This is compounded by the blindfold of denial, of which the disease is also responsible. When you begin to recover from an addiction, you may feel deep shame for previous actions. Through drug and alcoholism education you can gain an understanding as to why you acted the way you did.
Feeling your emotions is a starting point. You’re not going to forgive yourself, if you can’t feel your emotions. This can be especially true if you loop them off, or run and hide every time the subject of your family and loved ones comes up. People in recovery have to learn to feel again. It’s not easy, but it will be Ok.
Feelings aren’t the enemy. They give you feedback about what’s going on within you. Feelings are messages from your core self that inform how you are doing. As such, there really are no bad feelings. They are either on the range of comfortable or uncomfortable. Difficult feelings ask you to go to the source of the trouble and take action. It’s like having a dream in which you’re doing what you don’t want to do. Your subconscious, the feeling part of your mind, tells you what you need to do. During waking hours, the subconscious, speaks out in the form of feelings. It tries to tell you there’s something important that you can’t ignore or deny.
There are many steps in recovery. Learning why you behaved the way you did, is just one. Others steps include self compassion and forgiveness. It’s important to be patient with the process of your recovery and not beat yourself up. You have a whole new life ahead in which wonderful things can happen with your effort.
“Not causing harm requires staying awake. Part of being awake is slowing down enough to notice what we say and do. The more we witness our emotional chain reactions and understand how they work, the easier it is to refrain. It becomes a way of life to stay awake, slow down, and notice.”—Pema Chodron
Serenity Oaks provides an intensive 5 week program to support your sobriety and recovery from addiction. We aim to provide a space where you can find out how and why you have struggled with addiction. Our therapeutic and medical support are just one of the tools we provide to help set you up for success in recovery. Call us to find out how we can help you get started: 844-396-8526.
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From https://serenityoakswellnesscenter.blogspot.com/2018/11/why-couldnt-i-see-how-much-harm-i-was.html
Serenity Oaks Wellness Center 